Written for Radio Meatsauce - November 2008
ANNOUNCER
First there was The UNIVITED
GIRL
“You were wrong there are ghosts in here”
ANNOUNCER
Then there was The UNBORN
GIRL 2
“Do you think it’s possible to be haunted by
someone who was never even born?”
ANNOUNCER
Now comes the most terrifying incomplete task of them all:
“The UNDECLARED”
COLLEGE STUDENT
Well, I dunno – I was thinking maybe English or possibly Engineering
CONFUSED/ANGRY MOTHER
Whattaya think your Father and I are paying
all this tuition for you to be wishy-washy?
COLLEGE STUDENT
I don’t know…I’m not sure…I can’t take this pressure…
and all of my friends seem to be mysteriously disappearing…
ANGRY PROFESSOR
If you want to live to see Graduation Day, You must make a choice!!!
ANNOUNCER
Big Man On Campus Productions presents: THE UNDECLARED.
Not choosing a major has never been so deadly.
SFX: Woman Screams
ANNOUNCER
Coming to theatres everywhere March 13th, available on DVD and BluRay March 15th
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Look What the Wind Blewinsky - from August 1998
Look What The Wind Blewinsky……
A New Musical (not for long)
Featuring the songs:
Impeach Me Not
I CAN Tell A Lie (featuring The “We’ve Come A Long Way Since George Washington” Dancers)
Mom, My Dress Is A Trophy (Please Do Not Dry-Clean)
Stand By Your Man (used without permission from T. Wynette)
What’s Going On Here? (Al Gore Solo)
I’ll Blow My Stack! (solo by Orin Hatch)
Chase Scene in the Map Room – Dream Ballet
When You Wish Upon A So-Called Independent Counsel (Starr)
How Long Has This Been Going On?
CAST LIST
Phoebe Cates – as Monica Lewinsky
Bill Maher – as Bill Clinton
Barbara Streisand – as Hillary Clinton
Al Gore – as Al Gore
Drew Carey – as Linda Tripp and Kenneth Starr
Carrot Top – As Chelsea Clinton
By EVIE ARONSON 8/19/98
A New Musical (not for long)
Featuring the songs:
Impeach Me Not
I CAN Tell A Lie (featuring The “We’ve Come A Long Way Since George Washington” Dancers)
Mom, My Dress Is A Trophy (Please Do Not Dry-Clean)
Stand By Your Man (used without permission from T. Wynette)
What’s Going On Here? (Al Gore Solo)
I’ll Blow My Stack! (solo by Orin Hatch)
Chase Scene in the Map Room – Dream Ballet
When You Wish Upon A So-Called Independent Counsel (Starr)
How Long Has This Been Going On?
CAST LIST
Phoebe Cates – as Monica Lewinsky
Bill Maher – as Bill Clinton
Barbara Streisand – as Hillary Clinton
Al Gore – as Al Gore
Drew Carey – as Linda Tripp and Kenneth Starr
Carrot Top – As Chelsea Clinton
By EVIE ARONSON 8/19/98
Thursday, September 18, 2008
IF YOU SAY SOMETHING....SEE SOMETHING...
Random thought from August 2008
I saw the “If you see something, say something” sign on the subway, and under the sentence that says “Thank you for keeping your eyes and ears open, and not keeping your suspicions to yourself…” someone wrote “Cause they’re snitches”
The positive I took from that was: they used the correct version of they’re "t-h-e-y (apostrophe)r-e". These were graffiti vandals with good grammar.
Imagine the conversation….“Yo chico! Why you had to use the wrong one!?
It’s not t-h-e-i-r...it’s e-y apostrophe r-e! This one’s for free, but you better start paying me as your spell checker!"
I saw the “If you see something, say something” sign on the subway, and under the sentence that says “Thank you for keeping your eyes and ears open, and not keeping your suspicions to yourself…” someone wrote “Cause they’re snitches”
The positive I took from that was: they used the correct version of they’re "t-h-e-y (apostrophe)
Imagine the conversation….“Yo chico! Why you had to use the wrong one!?
It’s not t-h-e-i-r...it’s e-y apostrophe r-e! This one’s for free, but you better start paying me as your spell checker!"
SHIMMER SHINY SHAMPOO (parody commercial)
Shimmer Shiny Shampoo Spot (for Radio Meatsauce)- August 2008
SFX: shower (running water)
Voices - 2 young women
Val: My friend Marcia had a sleepover party last night and wouldn't you know it - I forgot to bring my Shampoo.(yelling) Hey Marcia - mind if I use your shampoo?
Marcia:(yelling from other room) Sure - no prob Val. It's right there on the shower shelf.
Val:Thanks! (to self) hmmm Shimmer Shiny Shampoo.....never tried it before......mmmm it smells so good.....(she is lathering)hmm what is that? (reading bottle label) Oh I guess it must be the special ingredients.....mmmmm (she is lathering)
SFX: shower sound off
Val: Hey Marcia that Shampoo is great - I guess it must be....
Marcia: I know - the special ingredients right?
Val: I guess so! Well, now I know the secret to your super shiny hair - and my hair feels so soft. I feel like a new woman!
Male Announcer: Shimmer Shiny Shampoo - our special ingredients are changing the world - one head at a time. Get yours today, anywhere hair care products are sold.
very fast like legal disclaimer) Do not get into eyes, keep away from pets...
(You can listen to a recording of this commercial at: www.myspace.com/radiomeatsauce)
SFX: shower (running water)
Voices - 2 young women
Val: My friend Marcia had a sleepover party last night and wouldn't you know it - I forgot to bring my Shampoo.(yelling) Hey Marcia - mind if I use your shampoo?
Marcia:(yelling from other room) Sure - no prob Val. It's right there on the shower shelf.
Val:Thanks! (to self) hmmm Shimmer Shiny Shampoo.....never tried it before......mmmm it smells so good.....(she is lathering)hmm what is that? (reading bottle label) Oh I guess it must be the special ingredients.....mmmmm (she is lathering)
SFX: shower sound off
Val: Hey Marcia that Shampoo is great - I guess it must be....
Marcia: I know - the special ingredients right?
Val: I guess so! Well, now I know the secret to your super shiny hair - and my hair feels so soft. I feel like a new woman!
Male Announcer: Shimmer Shiny Shampoo - our special ingredients are changing the world - one head at a time. Get yours today, anywhere hair care products are sold.
very fast like legal disclaimer) Do not get into eyes, keep away from pets...
(You can listen to a recording of this commercial at: www.myspace.com/radiomeatsauce)
Morgan Freeman Is.....(Movie Trailer)
A Meatsauce Movie Trailer by Evie Aronson - August 2008
Male Announcer Voice (Movie Trailer style)
This summer....
Morgan Freeman is....
in every movie released.
Yes, starring in every movie released this summer,
it's the amazing Morgan Freeman - but this is not your Father's Morgan Freeman -this is Morgan Freeman as you have never seen him before.
You remember him from "Driving Miss Daisy" - well forget that. Morgan Freeman is playing every Deity, authority figure and paid assassin.
And this time - you won't believe his language.
Forget what you learned on the Electric Company -
Morgan Freeman is in charge, cursing a blue streak and taking no prisoners.
So don't miss one film this summer - or you'll be missing out on life by missing out on... Morgan Freeman.
Male Announcer Voice (Movie Trailer style)
This summer....
Morgan Freeman is....
in every movie released.
Yes, starring in every movie released this summer,
it's the amazing Morgan Freeman - but this is not your Father's Morgan Freeman -this is Morgan Freeman as you have never seen him before.
You remember him from "Driving Miss Daisy" - well forget that. Morgan Freeman is playing every Deity, authority figure and paid assassin.
And this time - you won't believe his language.
Forget what you learned on the Electric Company -
Morgan Freeman is in charge, cursing a blue streak and taking no prisoners.
So don't miss one film this summer - or you'll be missing out on life by missing out on... Morgan Freeman.
Whoops! I Think I Blogged....
What I am thankful for this year…..by Evie Aronson 11/16/06
What am I thankful for this year?…..That POP CULTURE HAS GONE TOO FAR!
I know a guy who used to prep for his dates by reading People magazine.
10 minutes before the date, he would read the current issue of People to catch up on the hot topics, and that way, he would never run out of dinner conversation. He’s married now, so I guess it worked for him. But that was back in the 90’s when the pop culture news was dispersed at a reasonably tolerable rate. Now we are completely saturated …..in print, tv, radio and, of course, the internet.
A few prime examples: did you hear that Brangelina (and if you know your pop culture, you know that is the code name for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) are supposedly on the terrorist’s most wanted list? Why? Because they adopt children that don’t look like them? I guess Madonna will be next in line for that honor. Meanwhile, “Dancing with the Stars” is doing a nation-wide live tour with past contestants…..I mean come on – if you didn’t make it past the 3rd show, why would we want to see you live in person? But the real eye-opener was on November 7, 2006 – the day of the midterm elections……..at approximately 4:00pm the CNN Breaking News of the day was: “Britney Spears files for divorce from her husband Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences.” No one saw that one coming, not even the Democrats……Britney and K Fed were trying to steal their thunder – or maybe the Republicans were trying to create a diversion while the polls were still open? The most important detail of the break up was that tech-savvy Britney used a text message to inform Kevin of the divorce…..these are crazy times, very crazy (insert your own TomKat punchline here). The best way I have found to stay on top all of this information is to tune into the clip shows like “The Soup” on E! or VH-1’s “Best Week Ever” – you can get all of the celebrity gossip and find out what’s happening on all of the hundreds of REALITY shows without wasting hours of your time actually watching the shows. But why am I thankful for the pop culture explosion? Because without it, we would have nothing to talk about on a date…..I mean seriously what else is there to talk about? Politics?! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
What am I thankful for this year?…..That POP CULTURE HAS GONE TOO FAR!
I know a guy who used to prep for his dates by reading People magazine.
10 minutes before the date, he would read the current issue of People to catch up on the hot topics, and that way, he would never run out of dinner conversation. He’s married now, so I guess it worked for him. But that was back in the 90’s when the pop culture news was dispersed at a reasonably tolerable rate. Now we are completely saturated …..in print, tv, radio and, of course, the internet.
A few prime examples: did you hear that Brangelina (and if you know your pop culture, you know that is the code name for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) are supposedly on the terrorist’s most wanted list? Why? Because they adopt children that don’t look like them? I guess Madonna will be next in line for that honor. Meanwhile, “Dancing with the Stars” is doing a nation-wide live tour with past contestants…..I mean come on – if you didn’t make it past the 3rd show, why would we want to see you live in person? But the real eye-opener was on November 7, 2006 – the day of the midterm elections……..at approximately 4:00pm the CNN Breaking News of the day was: “Britney Spears files for divorce from her husband Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences.” No one saw that one coming, not even the Democrats……Britney and K Fed were trying to steal their thunder – or maybe the Republicans were trying to create a diversion while the polls were still open? The most important detail of the break up was that tech-savvy Britney used a text message to inform Kevin of the divorce…..these are crazy times, very crazy (insert your own TomKat punchline here). The best way I have found to stay on top all of this information is to tune into the clip shows like “The Soup” on E! or VH-1’s “Best Week Ever” – you can get all of the celebrity gossip and find out what’s happening on all of the hundreds of REALITY shows without wasting hours of your time actually watching the shows. But why am I thankful for the pop culture explosion? Because without it, we would have nothing to talk about on a date…..I mean seriously what else is there to talk about? Politics?! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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